And that's another thing that annoys me...

It's an occupational hazard, I suppose, but I read more menus than is strictly good for me.

The following has been a long time coming. Perhaps I'm getting more intolerant in my old age.

Irascible? Splenetic? Yes: you can have cantankerous too. If I had a goat, these would get it. These are things which never fail to irk (and no, I haven't included Cardiff's prissy, gusset-knotted fear of medium-rare burgers). No, this is more the language of food, and how it has become corrupted or is just simply irksome.

Artisan. One of those fetishised words (ditto: our next entry) so beloved of trendy enterprises. It used to mean something noble: it used to mean a craft learned over time, probably at the elbow of a master craftsman who would pass on their knowledge over the years. It spoke of skills hard earned. Now it's chucked about with abandon, knowing it ticks modish boxes, which devalues the term for those who have done things the hard way, those who have sweated to learn their craft.

Here's a tip: when the term has been co-opted by McDonald's, it probably doesn't mean what you want it to any more.

Curate. Ah, the hipster standby. (The old joke about Levellers fans comes to mind: there's nothing quite so ironic as seeing 16,000 identically dressed people in a field, bellowing along to, 'There's only one way of life/and that's your own.') It's the epitome of WHS (W*nky Hipster Speak). You've gathered something. Not curated it, you terrible, terrible poseurs. You're not at The Smithsonian. You're not even at St. Fagans.

To quote the ever-eloquent Jay Rayner: It must be infuriating to all the genuine curators in museums the world over, pursuing their calling with dedication and experience, that every half-arsed cocktail jockey, stove monkey or DJ has co-opted the term to make their jobs sound better. I suppose saying you curate contemporary sounds for an athletic body movement-aware demimonde does sound a bit better than: “I put on records in a nightclub.”

Tapas which aren't: specifically, the lazy shorthand which leads restaurants to describe their non-Spanish dishes as 'tapas'. The term's been hijacked, much as 'legend' used to denote achievement, a nobility of purpose perhaps, is now common currency among backslapping, braying bellwhiffs. It's either a lack of imagination or a plan to pass off 'little bits of food for lots of money' as a viable business strategy. Indian tapas, Moroccan tapas. Either way, STOP IT.
Vegan 'meat'. No, your cauliflower is not 'steak'. Whatever you have dreamed up is not 'pulled pork'. Why- when you eschew all meat and meat derivatives, do you insist on using carnivorous terms to describe your food? You may have made something truly delicious- but why sell it in terms you should shy from? Surely the huge majority of your customers are diehard rejectors of meat, so why not alter your language accordingly?

'Foodie'. Ugh. An appalling term. Say no more. You can call me anything except. I'm big enough, ugly enough.That 'ee' sound makes it sound so infantile. We don't call someone who enjoys wine a drinkie. We don't call a fan a... (snip. Ed)
I know that this is vitriol.
No solution, spleen-venting,
But I feel better having screamed.
Don't you?
REM- Ignoreland


This is where I should post some faintly needy, 'Oh please let me know if you agree with me.' But this is my little collection. Get your own. Curate away.